Absence nonsense

Apologies for the absence.  While I don't have a note from my doctor or mother, I share these very funny, and real, absence excuses.

"Maryann was absent December 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low grade fever and ached all over. I wasn’t the best either, sore throat and fever. There must be something going around, her father even got hot last night."

"Please excuse Gloria.  She has been sick and under the doctor."

"Please excuse my daughter's absence.  She had her periodicals."

And finally, "James can't go to work today.  Please execute him."