What a party! Three hours of pure over the top Hollywood entertainment, the Golden Globes have long been considered the inconsequential red-headed stepchild of the Emmys and the Oscars, but have now set an impossible bar for any other awards show this year (or future years for that matter).
The charming, funny duo, Amy Poehler and Tina Fey, presided over the ceremony for too brief a time, but set the tone for an evening of fun that included too many memorable moments for a top ten list, but here it goes in no particular order.
10. Anne Hathaway began as a Disney princess and won supporting actress for her role as a sad, singing prostitute in "Les Miz." While her speech included a touching tribute to fellow nominee Sally Field going from the Flying Nun to Norma Rae, her false modesty, including a "Blerg!" at the beginning, simply did not ring true. If she can't even fake sincerity giving an awards speech, then perhaps the reward was a complete mistake. Bonus annoying points for thanking her agent when "Les Miz" won best comedy/musical. I'm surprised she didn't rush up to the stage every time she remembered someone else she forgot.
9. Lena Dunham was one of the night's sweetest surprises for winning best actress and best comedy for "Girls." Despite wearing a disastrous dress and shoes that had her lumbering around like a modern-day Frankenstein, the charming star was self deprecating and showed Miss Hathaway a few things about genuine sincerity. Although I groaned when she brought out a giant piece of paper, it all added to the endearing awkwardness. Double bonus points for giving a shout out to Chad Lowe and her crazy fan reaction at POTUS Bill Clinton.
8. The President of the Hollywood Foreign Press, not usually a highlight, charmed the crowd with a speech that included Jeffrey Katzenburg not knowing her name and making a cougar shout out to the Tom Ford-wearing Bradley Cooper. "Call me maybe?" Smart girl indeed.
7. The opening monologue by Fey and Poehler was the benchmark of how it should be done. No special effects (sorry Billy Crystal) or crazy entrances, the opening was just two of the funniest ladies on TV working the room. Watching the crowd as they finished dinner almost instantly connect with the comedy was something no recent host (Neil Patrick Harris a possible exception) has been able to do. And they connected in a big way addressing the torture controversary with a hysterical jab at James Cameron and one of the dream jokes that only the true chemistry between these friends could have connected.
Fey: “The Hunger Games" was one of the biggest films of the year, and also what I call the six weeks it took me to get into this dress,”
Poehler: “Ang Lee’s been nominated for Best Director for "Life of Pi," which is what I’m going to call the six weeks after I take this dress off!”
Brilliant.
6. Jason Bateman came out carrying Aziz Ansari, who proceeded to go on a comical tirade about how the "Downton Abbey" cast provided pot backstage. This bit should not have worked, but somehow it did. Best pot humor since Cheech and Chong.
5. Good speeches were the rule, not the exception. "Homeland" winner Damian Lewis charmed mentioning how his mother was happy that he had found success as an "actor." Kevin Costner cemented a possible comeback with a speech about his journey thus far, proving that when "Man of Steel" hits this summer, we may be seeing more of him. Daniel Day Lewis was less odd than usual with his speech for "Lincoln," although the music played him off after what seemed like 15 seconds. And finally Claire Danes is a pro collecting awards by this time, but she always looks so good and so in control of the room, she could opt for a second career at a motivational speaker if the whole acting thing runs out of gas.
4. The acceptance speech of the night was Jennifer Lawrence's for "Silver Linings Playbook." I officially want her to be my best friend. The girl says the first thing that comes to mind. Her first words were a quote from "First Wive's Club," which caused a social network deluge of silliness when idiots thought she was being mean to Queen Meryl Streep. She also thanked Harvey Weinstein for whoever he had to kill to get her up there. At the same time, her gratitude towards her director/writer, fellow actors and family rang true, making this the winning speech in both comedic and dramatic categories.
3. I generally have instant disdain for Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell, so when they coupled up on stage, I almost raced to the bathroom. But their improv of trying to explain the characters the best actress nominees in a musical/comedy made them THE presenters of the night. Tommy Lee Jones' stony stare made this bit even better. Never start taking Xanax, Tommy!
2. The comic bit of the night was a "bitter" Fey and Poehler drinking after losing best comic actress to Dunham, with Fey telling Dunham she was glad they could help her make it through her middle school years. The bit's VIP was a flash to Glenn Close gaming writhing drunkenly at her table. I've replayed this bit 20 times and will many more. It's just that funny.
1. The obvious MOMENT of this show, or any other awards show in recent memory, was Jodie Foster's acceptance of the Cecil B. DeMille award. For almost seven minutes, the two-time Oscar winner was absolutely riveting as she commented on her career and privacy. She kind of came out (no big surprise). Words cannot express how absolutely over the top this speech was. "Silence of the Lambs" is in my top five favorite movies of all time and Foster is one of those few actors I will watch reading the phonebook. But this speech was her most fascinating "performance" to date. She had me WTFing from her first words and in tears by the end. Here is a transcript.
For all of you SNL fans, I’m 50! I’m 50! You know, I need to do that without this dress on—maybe later at Trader Vics, boys and girls. I’m 50! You know, I was going to bring my walker tonight, but it just didn’t go with the cleavage. Robert [Downey, Jr.], I want to thank you for everything: for your bat-crazed, rapid-fire brain, the sweet intro…I love you and Susan and I am so grateful that you continually talk me off the ledge when I go on and foam at the mouth and say I’m done with acting, I’m done with acting, I’m really done, I’m done, I’m done, I’m done. Trust me, 47 years in the film business is a long time. You just ask those Golden Globies, because you crazy kids, you’ve been around here forever. Phil, you’re a nut, Ida, Scott, thank you for honoring me tonight. It’s the most fun party of the year and tonight, I feel like the prom queen. Thank you!
Looking at all those clips, you know, the hairdos and the freaky platform shoes, it’s like a home movie nightmare that just won’t end. All of these people sitting here at these tables, they’re my family of sorts, fathers mostly: Executives, producers, the directors, my fellow actors out there, we’ve giggled through love scenes, we’ve punched and cried and spit and vomited and blown snot all over one another, and those are just the co-stars that I liked. But you know, more than anyone else, I share my most special memories with members of the crew. Blood-shaking friendships, brothers and sisters, we made movies together and you can’t get more intimate than that.
So while I’m here being all confessional, I just have a sudden urge to say something that I’ve never really been able to air in public, a declaration that I’m a little nervous about, but maybe not quite as nervous as my publicist right now—hi, Jennifer—but, uh, you know, I’m just going to put it out there, right, loud and proud, so I’m going to need your support on this. I am, uh…single. Yes I am! I am single. No, I’m kidding. But I mean I’m not really kidding, but I’m kinda kidding. I mean, thank you for the enthusiasm. Can I get a wolf-whistle or something? [AUDIO DROPS OUT.]
–be a big coming out speech tonight, because I already did my coming out about a thousand years ago, back in the Stone Age, in those very quaint days when a fragile young girl would open up to trusted friends, and family, co-workers, and then gradually, proudly, to everyone who knew her, to everyone she actually met. But now apparently I’m told that every celebrity is expected to honor the details of their private life with a press conference, a fragrance, and a prime-time reality show. You guys might be surprised, but I am not Honey Boo Boo Child. No, I’m sorry, that’s just not me. It never was and it never will be. But please don’t cry because my reality show would be so boring. I would have to make out with Marion Cotillard, I would have to spank Daniel Craig’s bottom just to stay on the air. It’s not bad work if you can get it though. But seriously, if you had been a public figure from the time that you were a toddler. If you had to fight for a life that felt real and honest and normal against all odds, then maybe you too might value privacy above all else. Privacy.
Some day, in the future, people will look back and remember how beautiful it once was. I have given everything up there from the time that I was three years old—that’s reality show enough, don’t you think? There are a few secrets to keeping your psyche intact over such a long career: The first, love people and stay beside them. That table over there, 222, way out in Idaho, Paris, Stockholm, that one next to the bathroom with all the unfamous faces, the very same faces for all these years. My acting agent Joe Funicello, Joe, do you believe it, 38 years we’ve been working together? Even though he doesn’t count the first eight. Matt Saber, Pat Kingsley, Jennifer Allen, Grant Diamond …lifers. My family of friends here tonight and at home, and, of course, Mel Gibson: You know you saved me too.
There is no way I could ever stand here without acknowledging one of the deepest loves of my life, my heroic co-parent, my ex-partner in love, but righteous soul sister in life, my confessor, ski-buddy, consigliore, most beloved BFF for 20 years, Cydney Bernard. Thank you, Cyd. I am so proud of our modern family, our amazing sons Charlie and Kit, who are my reason to breathe and to evolve, my blood and soul. And boys, in case you didn’t know it, this song, like all of this, this song is for you. This brings me to my greatest influence in my life, my amazing mother Evelyn. Mom, I know you’re inside those blue eyes somewhere and that there are so many things that you won’t understand tonight, but this is the only important one to take in: I love you, I love you, I love you. And I hope that if I say this three times, it will magically and perfectly enter into your soul, fill you with grace and the joy of knowing that you did good in this life. You’re a great mom. Please take that with you when you’re finally okay to go. You see, Charlie and Kit? Sometimes your mom loses it too.
I can’t help but get moony, you know. This feels like the end of one era and the beginning of something else, scary and exciting. And now what? Well, I may never be up on this stage again, on any stage for that matter. Change, you gotta love it. I will continue to tell stories, to move people by being moved, the greatest job in the world. It’s just that from now on I may be holding a different talking stick, and maybe it won’t be as sparkly, maybe it won’t open on 3,000 screens, maybe it will be so quiet and delicate that only dogs can hear it whistle. But it will be my writing on the wall: Jodie Foster was here, I still am, and I want to be seen, to be understood, deeply, and to be not so very lonely. Thank you, all of you, for the company. Here’s to the next 50 years.
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